I may be dying. Or. I may not be.

December 9, 2009 by Leif

There's a lump on my chest or, I should say, there's a lump on my breast (if we're all being honest here). What is it? I've had it for months, the doctors (yes, plural) have looked at it, it seems to be ok. So that's settled, right?

Obviously the big worry is cancer. Which, I'm told, occurs 6 to 10 times in a person's life--only they don't know it since their immune systems takes care of it. I'm also told that cancer obeys certain constructs like cell division (read: growth patterns). Meaning, I'd know it was bad if it were to grow. Right? So the best course, I'm told, is to watch and wait. Unfortunately waiting poses a problem if you're hoping to catch something in the first couple stages. You may just wait yourself right into stage 4.

So what to do? Simply put there's no other option than to buy the ticket and take the ride.

The ride being normalcy, treatment, or death. The bummer to the ride is that you never know which track you're on until it's midway to almost over.

Regardless, this changes nothing. Let's say we're waiting for a month or two. What's there to be done for that month? If you only had two months until your life went to shit...what would you do? Would you worry or would you maintain? Would you fall into the paranoia of ignorance or would you proceed with prudence and abandon?

Who knows? We all approach life and death differently. This year has been a Treatise in Death for me. It's been everywhere but, then again, it's always been following me. It has rocked me to sleep as an infant. Read me stories as a child. Chaperoned my dates in my youth. Abide in the now lest you die in the later. That's all I got to tell you.

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